Short Jokes
Q: What is nasty, stinky and found in your enemies underpants?
A: Your enemy!!
Q: Why did the golfer take two pairs of pants to the golf course?
Q: How do you keep an elephant from charging?
A: Take away his credit cards.
Q: Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?
A: Because he didn't have any-body to go with.
Q: Why did the hand cross the road?
A: To get to the second hand shop.
Q: Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
A: Because chickens weren't invented.
Q: Why did the bubblegum cross the road?
A: Because it was stuck to the chicken's foot.
Q: Why was six afraid of seven?
A: Because seven, eight, nine.
Father:
"Son, what do you want for your birthday?"
Son:
"Just a radio, dad, with a sports car around it. "
First
Boy: My
mum can tell the future by reading cards.
Second Boy: Really?
First
Boy:
Yup. After reading my report card she can tell what will happen once Dad gets
home.
Son: Dad, I've just saved you $5000 a year.
Dad:
That's great but how did you do it?
Son:
I got expelled from school.
Snake 1: Are we poisonous?
Snake 2: I don't know. Why?
Snake 1: I just bit my lip.
Patient:
Doctor, Doctor I
think I’m invisible.
Doctor:
Next…
Patient:
Doctor,
Doctor I’ve got 59 seconds to live!
Doctor:
Please wait
a minute.
Patient:
Doctor,
Doctor I feel like a card.
Doctor:
Just wait a moment
and then I’ll deal with you.
Patient:
Doctor,
Doctor help me, I’m shrinking!
Doctor: You will just have to be a little patient.
Patient: Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a billiard ball.
Doctor: Just wait at the end of the queue.
You do know what would have
happened if it had been three wise WOMEN instead of men, don't you? They would
have asked for directions, arrived on time, helped deliver the baby, cleaned the
stable, made a casserole and brought practical gifts! (Disposable
diapers, etc...)
A preacher's 5 year-old
daughter noticed that her father always paused and bowed his head for a moment
before starting his sermon. One day she asked him why.
"Well,
honey," he
began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his messages, "I'm
asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon."
"How come He doesn't do it?" she asked.
8-year-old Nancy was very naughty. After one particularly bad incident her mother said to her "You know, if you are very naughty your children will be one day too." Nancy thought about this and then began to laugh and laugh and laugh. "And what is so funny?" her mother angrily asked with her hands on her hips. Nancy replied "Well, what did you do?"